do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
