Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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