We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
