did you get engaged???
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
