All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
