So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
