he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
