At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
