Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
