Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
She announced her abortion via fbk
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
