Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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