I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
