so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
