So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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