i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
