apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
