just tell him i said nine months
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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