You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
