Quick, to the slutcave!
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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