you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
