That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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