The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
