just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize