New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
