bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
