New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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