I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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