he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Less talking, more tequila
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
