first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
