There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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