ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Randomize
