Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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