can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Farmville is her only friend.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
