Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
