he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I wish you could order shots online.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
