I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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