you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
