i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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