It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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