Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
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