On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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