Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I am available for nakedness
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
