there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
