If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
