After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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