I think i sorta joined a cult last night
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
