So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
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Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
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Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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