It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Operation Purity has been aborted
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
