So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
