Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
