I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
