i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Less talking, more tequila
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
