i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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