Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
