What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
