Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
