i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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