Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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