Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
