Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
