I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
