Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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