Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death