I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
