my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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