I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
