It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
