I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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