k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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