I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
